Tag: friendship

Covenant Principles Make Good Friends

Jonathan and David built their friendship on covenant principles. What help can these principles give to those who want to build good friendships today?

David and Jonathan struck up a surprising friendship in 1 Samuel 18:1-5. Jonathan was the heir to the Israelite throne and David was his biggest rival, so it was amazing that the two got along so well. Jonathan publicized their support for one another by giving David his royal coat, armor, and weapons.

Their commitment was tested a few chapters later when king Saul publicized his own plan to kill David. (1 Samuel 20). The duo renewed their relationship with one another in a way that was shaped by God’s covenant relationship with his people. There are four covenant principles that are highlighted in their agreement and these principles helps us understand what it means to be a good friend in any era.

Helping out in tough times. Ancient near-eastern covenants were common among tribes and nations with an imbalance in power. That may seem oppressive by today’s standards, but it was much better than the alternative of total destruction. The stronger party offered certain benefits (like protection), and the weaker party offered their own benefits (like loyalty).

We have all been on both side of this equation in our interpersonal relationships. Sometimes we are the ones in need and sometimes we are the ones who are able to help. This dynamic is the lifeblood of most good friendships. Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (NASB).

Staying true to one’s commitments. Jonathan and David made a number of serious pledges to one another in 1 Samuel 20:12-17. In essence, they promised to protect one another and their respective families as long as they lived. Few friendships are this formal, but every one that I know of will grow stronger if it’s kept up over time. a truth punctuated by Proverbs 18:24.

Persevering under pressure. The crown prince came under intense pressure to betray David. Saul insulted Jonathan, commanded him to betray his friend, and then tried to kill him (his own son!). Years later when David was king, he rejected the idea of “doing away with” with his rival’s family by taking care of Mephibosheth, Saul’s grandson. Once again, the book of Proverbs puts this principle in action: “Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend.” (27:10a).

Trusting in God’s faithfulness. David and Jonathan appealed to God’s faithfulness multiples times throughout this encounter (v. 8, 12, 16, 23, 42). This helps us to see that faith in God is the best foundation for a friendship. The parable of the three-fold chord in Ecclesiastics 4:9-12 is a tactile illustration of this forth principle.

David was a good king because He was loyal to God’s covenant relationship with Israel. He was a good friend because He patterned his relationship with Jonathan after His relationship with God. You and I become good friends to those we care about if we take this covenant principle to heart.

Photo by SteveBuissinne from Freerange Stock

The Marks of a Disciple

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Jermaine Wilson experienced tremendous transformation. He grew up in Leavenworth, Kanson and started to sell drugs out of his childhood apartment at an early age. He was eventually incarcerated at the maximum-security wing at Lansing Correctional, a state prison in Kansas where he had a realization. “If I don’t change,” he thought, “I’m either going to spend the rest of my life in prison or dead in a casket.” In a strange turn of events, Jermaine is now the mayor of Leavenworth, according to a story that air on CBS earlier this year. Jermaine credits the transformation to God, education, and volunteer work. After prison, he started serving his community and got his felony record expunged, paving the way for a political run.

Jesus used a parable of the vine and the branches to teach us about spiritual transformation in John 15:1-17. Like Jermaine Wilson, the disciples experienced a transformation while they followed Jesus. In one sense, they become disciples the moment they said, “yes” to Jesus. In another very real sense, they didn’t become disciples until they put their faith in the resurrected Jesus. (John 20:29)

The parable of the vine and the branches invites the question, “When does an unbeliever become a disciple?” This metaphor and the explanation follows gives us three marks of a disciple. Notice that these marks are dynamic, not static, meaning they grow and develop over time.

1. Disciples build a friendship with Jesus.

Social media has changed the way we view friendship. It used to be that you had to be physically present with someone to make a friend, but now you can become friends with people all over the world with the click of a button. Social media can increase our ability to communicate, but it can’t increase our capacity to care.

A friendship with Jesus is based on trust and affection. Friends depend on each other because they have a two-way bond. Jesus calls us to “abide in me and I in you” (v. 4). We are branches and branches can do nothing by themselves, they are just sticks (v. 5).

Friends are better than servants because they care for each other. Jesus considers us friends because he gave his life for us (v. 13). He also reveals God’s Word and will to us (v. 15).

It takes time to build a friendship with Jesus. It takes up to three years to grow grapes on a vine. After the vine and branches are established, grapes grow like the life of the vine moves into them. Jesus could have downloaded everything he wanted his disciples to directly into their brain the moment he called them, but he didn’t because he wanted to develop a relationship with them.

2. Disciples bear fruit that lasts.

Spiritual fruit is the Word of God put into practice. In a broad sense, it’s every act done in obedience to Christ. Spiritual fruit is every display of Christ-like character, ever prayer prayed in accordance with God’s will, and every deed done to bring unbelievers to faith in Christ. The beauty of the vineyard is in the sheer magnitude of grapes produced, not just one particular grape. In a narrow sense, its ever act of love done for another believer (more about that in a moment).

God prunes us to make us more fruitful. The vinedresser removes all the old growth to make room for new growth and fruit. God uses His Word to prune and clean us (v. 3). He works to remove things in our lives that get in the way of our fruitfulness. Those things might be sinful habits, misplaced priorities, or even harmful relationships.

People who don’t bear fruit aren’t disciples, they’re imposters (v.6). True spiritual fruit remains to the end. Anyone can do something that looks spiritual on the outside. Only the deeds done in the power of God will make a lasting impact.

3. Disciples demonstrate love for other believers.

Spiritual fruit has a broad and a narrow definition (see the previous point). Demonstrating love for other believers is a prominent mark of a disciple because grows out of the first and second Greatest Commands revealed by Jesus in Matthew 22:35-40.  The first command is assumed in this passage while the second command is reinforced (v. 9).

We must follow Jesus’ example in demonstrating love for others. Jesus laid down his life for the ones he loved – his friends. We must show love to everyone we meet as our “neighbor,” but we have a special responsibility to love our fellow disciples.

Our special relationship with Christ must not become a source of pride. He chose us, we did not choose him (v. 16). Back to the parable, he planted us we did not plant ourselves.

In summary, an unbeliever becomes a true disciple when he or she builds a friendship with Jesus, bears fruit that lasts, and demonstrates love for other believers. These activities cannot be accomplished without the transforming power of God and the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Have you tapped into that power?

Photo by Nacho Domínguez Argenta on Unsplash