Tag: relationship

Should I Say Something?

How do you know when you should speak up and when you should stay silent? Here are five questions to consider as you “one another.”

The book of James says a lot about the words we speak. Readers are encouraged to listen before they speak in James 1:19. They are also warned against paying lip-service to religious conviction in James 2:15-16. Chapter 3 contains an extended lesson about the destructive power of the tongue and danger of false teaching (James 3:1-12). Students of the Bible are cautioned several times against quarreling and conflicts (James 3:14, 4:1).

With all this seriousness, it may seem like silence is best choice. Just keep quiet and avoid all the problems. But silence isn’t always an option.

The other books of the New Testament contain a slew of verses on how believers should view and treat one another (the term “one another” is used 100 times in 94 verses). The second greatest commandment is based on love that longs to do what is best for the other person, which has to including loving interaction as some point (Matthew 22:36-40).

So how do you know when to speak up and when to say silent?

Here is a list of questions to consider before tacking a tough situation with your tongue:

  1. Can you speak constructively? James 4:11 warns against “attack” speech, which can include slander, gossip, and false or unfair accusations. The goal is to build the other person up, not to tear them down. Constructive criticism is very different from criticism for the sake of criticism.
  2. Do you have a relationship with this person? The majority of these passages are set in the context of a personal relationship between fellow believers in the fellowship of a local church. A tough truth is received easier if it given by a friend. Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.”
  3. Are you living by the same standard? It can be easy to magnify someone else’s problems or weakness while ignoring our own. James says the standard for all our behavior is God’s law – a standard we all fall short of. Be very careful about addressing an issue with someone that you know every little about.
  4. Are you able to speak directly? Talking about someone is not as effective as talking to them. You may have a concern, but you don’t have the ability or the access to speak to them directly.
  5. Are you motived by love? The background for these instructions in the New Testament is love. Avoid speaking to others about their problems because you want to get something off your chest or because you want to prove that you are right about something. Tough conversations can’t be about you, they need to be about the other person.

Should I say something? That’s a complex question that deserves a thoughtful response. These questions can help as you as you build live-giving relationship in today’s world.

Image by Robin Higgins from Pixabay

The Marks of a Disciple

nacho-dominguez-argenta-F_ilCik66Hg-unsplash

Jermaine Wilson experienced tremendous transformation. He grew up in Leavenworth, Kanson and started to sell drugs out of his childhood apartment at an early age. He was eventually incarcerated at the maximum-security wing at Lansing Correctional, a state prison in Kansas where he had a realization. “If I don’t change,” he thought, “I’m either going to spend the rest of my life in prison or dead in a casket.” In a strange turn of events, Jermaine is now the mayor of Leavenworth, according to a story that air on CBS earlier this year. Jermaine credits the transformation to God, education, and volunteer work. After prison, he started serving his community and got his felony record expunged, paving the way for a political run.

Jesus used a parable of the vine and the branches to teach us about spiritual transformation in John 15:1-17. Like Jermaine Wilson, the disciples experienced a transformation while they followed Jesus. In one sense, they become disciples the moment they said, “yes” to Jesus. In another very real sense, they didn’t become disciples until they put their faith in the resurrected Jesus. (John 20:29)

The parable of the vine and the branches invites the question, “When does an unbeliever become a disciple?” This metaphor and the explanation follows gives us three marks of a disciple. Notice that these marks are dynamic, not static, meaning they grow and develop over time.

1. Disciples build a friendship with Jesus.

Social media has changed the way we view friendship. It used to be that you had to be physically present with someone to make a friend, but now you can become friends with people all over the world with the click of a button. Social media can increase our ability to communicate, but it can’t increase our capacity to care.

A friendship with Jesus is based on trust and affection. Friends depend on each other because they have a two-way bond. Jesus calls us to “abide in me and I in you” (v. 4). We are branches and branches can do nothing by themselves, they are just sticks (v. 5).

Friends are better than servants because they care for each other. Jesus considers us friends because he gave his life for us (v. 13). He also reveals God’s Word and will to us (v. 15).

It takes time to build a friendship with Jesus. It takes up to three years to grow grapes on a vine. After the vine and branches are established, grapes grow like the life of the vine moves into them. Jesus could have downloaded everything he wanted his disciples to directly into their brain the moment he called them, but he didn’t because he wanted to develop a relationship with them.

2. Disciples bear fruit that lasts.

Spiritual fruit is the Word of God put into practice. In a broad sense, it’s every act done in obedience to Christ. Spiritual fruit is every display of Christ-like character, ever prayer prayed in accordance with God’s will, and every deed done to bring unbelievers to faith in Christ. The beauty of the vineyard is in the sheer magnitude of grapes produced, not just one particular grape. In a narrow sense, its ever act of love done for another believer (more about that in a moment).

God prunes us to make us more fruitful. The vinedresser removes all the old growth to make room for new growth and fruit. God uses His Word to prune and clean us (v. 3). He works to remove things in our lives that get in the way of our fruitfulness. Those things might be sinful habits, misplaced priorities, or even harmful relationships.

People who don’t bear fruit aren’t disciples, they’re imposters (v.6). True spiritual fruit remains to the end. Anyone can do something that looks spiritual on the outside. Only the deeds done in the power of God will make a lasting impact.

3. Disciples demonstrate love for other believers.

Spiritual fruit has a broad and a narrow definition (see the previous point). Demonstrating love for other believers is a prominent mark of a disciple because grows out of the first and second Greatest Commands revealed by Jesus in Matthew 22:35-40.  The first command is assumed in this passage while the second command is reinforced (v. 9).

We must follow Jesus’ example in demonstrating love for others. Jesus laid down his life for the ones he loved – his friends. We must show love to everyone we meet as our “neighbor,” but we have a special responsibility to love our fellow disciples.

Our special relationship with Christ must not become a source of pride. He chose us, we did not choose him (v. 16). Back to the parable, he planted us we did not plant ourselves.

In summary, an unbeliever becomes a true disciple when he or she builds a friendship with Jesus, bears fruit that lasts, and demonstrates love for other believers. These activities cannot be accomplished without the transforming power of God and the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Have you tapped into that power?

Photo by Nacho Domínguez Argenta on Unsplash

Exit mobile version
%%footer%%