Should I Say Something?

The book of James says a lot about the words we speak. Readers are encouraged to listen before they speak in James 1:19. They are also warned against paying lip-service to religious conviction in James 2:15-16. Chapter 3 contains an extended lesson about the destructive power of the tongue and danger of false teaching (James 3:1-12). Students of the Bible are cautioned several times against quarreling and conflicts (James 3:14, 4:1).

With all this seriousness, it may seem like silence is best choice. Just keep quiet and avoid all the problems. But silence isn’t always an option.

The other books of the New Testament contain a slew of verses on how believers should view and treat one another (the term “one another” is used 100 times in 94 verses). The second greatest commandment is based on love that longs to do what is best for the other person, which has to including loving interaction as some point (Matthew 22:36-40).

So how do you know when to speak up and when to say silent?

Here is a list of questions to consider before tacking a tough situation with your tongue:

1. Can you speak constructively? James 4:11 warns against “attack” speech, which can include slander, gossip, and false or unfair accusations. The goal is to build the other person up, not to tear them down. Constructive criticism is very different from criticism for the sake of criticism.
2. Do you have a relationship with this person? The majority of these passages are set in the context of a personal relationship between fellow believers in the fellowship of a local church. A tough truth is received easier if it given by a friend. Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.”
3. Are you living by the same standard? It can be easy to magnify someone else’s problems or weakness while ignoring our own. James says the standard for all our behavior is God’s law – a standard we all fall short of. Be very careful about addressing an issue with someone that you know every little about.
4. Are you able to speak directly? Talking about someone is not as effective as talking to them. You may have a concern, but you don’t have the ability or the access to speak to them directly.
5. Are you motived by love? The background for these instructions in the New Testament is love. Avoid speaking to others about their problems because you want to get something off your chest or because you want to prove that you are right about something. Tough conversations can’t be about you, they need to be about the other person.

Should I say something? That’s a complex question that deserves a thoughtful response. These questions can help as you as you build live-giving relationship in today’s world.

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